Planning for a divorce – what a strange thing to read, right? Who plans for a divorce? Unfortunately, the truth is that while we all happily attend weddings, wish the bride and groom the best and remark on how perfect they are for each other, the divorce rate in the United States is at a staggering 50%. This adds up to nearly 2 million divorces a year! Divorces are arguably one of the most challenging transitions someone can go through in their lives. If you are in the middle of a divorce, or soon may find yourself in one, there are a few steps you can take to ease the stress of the whole process.

First and foremost, make sure it’s the right decision for you and your spouse. Divorces are long and arduous and the decision to go down this path should not be made lightly. You should feel confident in your choice before moving forward.

Once you know that this is what you need to do, start your research! Look up the laws in your state for divorce. For example, do you need to be separated for a specific period of time before filing? Ask friends and family members if they can recommend a lawyer to you and meet with multiple lawyers before deciding on one. Find out how much your lawyer charges and how they will be billing you – on a retainer? Hourly? These are important questions to ask before you select a lawyer as divorces can be expensive and complicated.

Either before or shortly after you file for divorce, it’s important to protect your money. These types of situations can often turn contentious even when both parties enter in to it with the best of intentions. An important step you can take to ensure that you’re protected is to open a bank account separate from your spouse and begin depositing part of your paycheck in to it. Start saving money either in the account or in a safe deposit box under your name only so it is accessible only to you. Additionally, close your joint credit cards or just remove your name if possible. Before you file for divorce, your finances are still intertwined so what your spouse spends on your joint credit cards will be considered your responsibility as well.

If you have children, it’s best to prepare yourself for a custody dispute. It’s an unfortunate reality to consider, but custody of children often becomes one of the biggest points of contention in a divorce. Think about what makes the most sense for them in terms of custody – 50/50 or joint custody? The children’s best interests should be of the highest priority. If their safety is being called in to question, you can prepare for this by making copies of any legal documents that would prove your case (police reports, drug evaluations, etc.).

And while you’re dealing with all the logistics of a divorce, it’s important to not forget about taking care of yourself! There is a large emotional toll that divorce will take on you and consulting with a therapist will help you to process your thoughts and feelings.

Family Matters’ founder, Kim Falahati, is a certified life coach and has a degree in Psychology. With a strong desire to help others and an ability to anticipate your needs and what you may be going through, Kim is able to offer emotional support to see you through to the other side of the challenging transition.

Although Kim is not a therapist, she comes to you and works with you in your home to help you focus on the light at the end of the tunnel. 

No one enters in to a marriage believing they will one day be getting a divorce but unfortunately it happens every day. While we can’t completely take away the pain you feel, we can help you to navigate this time in your life and help you prepare for it. If at any time you feel you need someone to talk to or help with the divorce process, please reach out to us here at Family Matters. We are more than happy to help you through all the challenges and get you on the road to your new life.